Pumpkins On Steroids

Every year they have this pumpkin weigh-off in Half Moon Bay, California. People come from all over the west coast with their pickup trucks loaded with gargantuan pumpkins that they have grown. The mutant gourds come in all sorts of shapes, sizes and colors. From lat ones that look like a blob of gum to nearly perfect orange ones that could be used as a giant jack-o-lantern. The smallest ones weigh in at about 185 pounds and the big winners usually tip the scales at around 1,500 pounds.
The event technically starts at 7am when they start weighing pumpkins – the smallest ones first. For some insane reason I always get there right at 7 knowing full well that the thing won’t end until almost noon. The big prize winning pumpkins don’t even hit the scales until 10am at the earliest. The event rarely ends before 11:30. I wonder why so many people bring pumpkins that are in the 200-400 pound range. Its not like they are going to win anything. If I pulled up with my scrawny little-big pumpkin and saw one of those that is over a thousand pounds, I’d just keep on driving past the event and go make a dozen pumpkin pies at home.
With the likelihood of the event going at least an hour over its scheduled time for completion, Fred Larson from the Chronicle ended up leaving to go shoot a more pressing assignment. Matt Sumner from the Bay Area News Group kept checking his watch as he was in danger of missing his next assignment if the weighing of the big ass pumpkins was delayed any longer. I will give credit to the organizers, they give us great access and pretty much let us do anything we want. Gotta love that.
Workers brought out the “final four” on forklifts and raised them up for the crowd to see. Everyone ooooh’d and ahhh’d. Then, one by one, the massive mutations are lifted onto a scale and people cheer as the weight pops up on a little LCD screen. Some of the farmers react by pumping their fists. Others just stand there and mumble to themselves.
The guy that won this year is the same guy that won last year. Thad Starr of Oregon crushed the competition with his big white blob that weighed in at 1528 pounds, 4 pounds better than one year ago. Mr. Starr’s celebration upon learning that he had won was anything but photogenic. It looked as if he had just got punched in the stomach as he hunched over and half pumped his fists. He needs a jube coach if he is gonna keep winning this contest.

I was eavesdropping on an interview with the winner and he said that he spends hours each day babysitting the pumpkin as it grows and uses thousands of gallons of water over the 4 month growing period. There should be a doping agency that monitors these guys, I bet they probably use all kinds of Barry Bonds type growth enhancers to get these things as big as they are. Or, maybe they are just good at what they do, unlike me, the guy who can’t even grow tomatoes that get bigger than one inch. Mr. Black Thumb.